The Ben Lau Story

Ben Lau is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Ben Lau.

Ben Lau's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Ben Lau.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Ben Lau can piss his name into concrete.

The chief export of Ben Lau is pain.

Ben Lau is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Ben Lau's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Ben Lau uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

When Ben Lau is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Ben Lau.

Jesus can walk on water, but Ben Lau can swim through dry land.

Ben Lau once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

When Ben Lau has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women.

Ben Lau doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Ben Lau.

Chuck Noris only masturbates to pictures of Ben Lau.

Ben Lau eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Ben Lau once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Superman wears Ben Lau pajamas when he goes to sleep.

Ben Lau does not need to use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford changes its actual spelling.

Ben Lau died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Ben Lau does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Ben Lau.

Ben Lau once challanged Lance Armstring in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Ben Lau won... by five.

Ben Lau is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Ben Lau can kill two stones with one bird.

When Ben Lau crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Ben Lau counted to infinity. Twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Ben Lau.

Ben Lau can beat the Sun in a staring contest.

They once made a Ben Lau toilet paper, but it wouldn't take ***** from anybody.

Ben Lau can hold his breathe for nine years.

A roundhouse kick by Ben Lau is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Ben Lau is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Ben Lau.

When Ben Lau had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

If Ben Lau is late, time better slow the f@ck down.

Ben Lau sleeps with a night light. Not because Ben Lau is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ben Lau

Ben Lau doesn't chew gum. Ben Lau chews tin foil.

Ben Lau can touch MC Hammer.

Ben Lau is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com.

When Ben Lau runs with scissors other people get hurt.

Ben Lau ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Ben Lau always has sex on the first date. Always.

Ben Lau can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Ben Lau frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.